I don't know about this.

So I got a new layout. I don't know how I feel about this change. It's screaming a little too happy and bright for me. But we'll try it out and see how I like it. To change!

On fire for God

I just got to remember, if you pray read your bible and go to church you will feel Gods awesome love . I am on fire for God.

So here it begins

You'd think after graduation I'd be able to keep up with this blog thing? I don't even think many people are interested in my blog. But it seems like a good way to just let stuff out.

So where do I even start, I'm graduated and it sucks. Okay okay, its not THAT bad. But september rolls around and I feel like I should be going back to school. Let me tell you people, when your in school you can't WAIT to get out. But once your out, you just want to go back. In March of 2011 I quit my job at Reds due to not given an hours. And since then I've been looking for a job, now in September I'm still JOBLESS. And it stinks. I can't count how many applications and resumes I have handed out. And not getting a call back from anyone just gets totally depressing. Today I went back to SCS to pick up my yearbook and I talked to my old English teacher who helped us with Grad transitions in grade 12. She told me that I shouldn't fear the future, I got to just go with my gut and start something (as in post secondary school), cause when you start it will only lead you to more opportunities. The thing is I like a lot of things of course everyone says "Why not Photography". Don't get me wrong photography is my life, But I'm scared doing it 24/7 will make me dislike it. I love it so much I don't want to get bored of it. So it leaves me with what I want to do, I want to go to school so bad. I just got to figure out what to study.

Its hard watching your friends go to school. Sitting at home not working is depressing, I just pray God will lead me to something. Real soon too. 

I haven't seen you for awhile.

Hello blog, where have you been? It's been awhile. Let's see, I've graduated and been to Kentucky. Of course I'd love to express ALL my feelings but I have no energy for that now. Hopefully I'll just remember to do this whole blogging thing again.

You can't say...

You can't tell me you don't remember those nights.

friends.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that because you will do the same.

sleep

I love sleep. My life has a tendancy to fall apart when akwake, you know?

OMG

I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING FAMILY EVER. Today was like any other sunday, we went to church and came home and napped. In the evening I went to my friends youth group and then to boston pizza with friends. Every Sunday night we spend eating somewhere it was about 8:30pm when my Mom called me and said I didn't ask my father if I could take the car out. So she said she wanted me home in an hour. To me that was kinda strange, I was upset so I hung up on my mom. Note to self: I would feel bad after. Anyways I came home like she said and I walked into the house to see my fam. My brother was holding his video camera while my dad was holding his camera they were talking about stuff so it wasn't too abnormal. My mom was on the laptop acting like nothing. My dad says to me "Savannah, can you get your camera I wanna compare something." I'm like sure. Kinda weird but it didn't faze me to much. I reach into my camera bag and pull out A NEW CANON 60D CAMERA! I noticed it was a lot heavier than regular I freaked. It was a present from my whole family for Grad. I felt super bad after being mad at my mom but she told me she didn't know how to get me home earlier. It was for a good cause :) HELLLOOOO NEW CAMERA. WOWZA

I can NOT wait to take pictures tomorrow ! AGHDAKKDAGKADH

God closes one door....

... and he opens another. You don't know how many people have said that to me in the past few days. Although my whole graduation transitions are thrown out the window, God did in fact open another door. Instead of going to school JUST for photography I am looking into Kwantlen at their fine arts program. They do have photography classes so I will still get to do what I love. But this will open doors for me, I can still be a photographer but I will be able to get other jobs as well. I'll probably go in September to get my certificate and if I enjoy the program maybe I will keep going to get my bachelors degree. Who knows? 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

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THINGS I LIKE #003.

 

I saw this recently on a blog and I flipped out. A lens mug! Annddd it's Canon. These babies range from $20.00 to about $60.00? I want. They're so sweet. Perfect idea for any photographer. Wink Wink ;)

where do I go now?

I didn't expect this to happen. Only to me. The person who needs to have everything planned. I planned on going to Langara college in Vancouver this september. Today we had an orentation to to visit the place and for them to get to know us. There were 120 of us, only 28 would get accepted into the program. Intake is once a year. Going to the orentation I thought I had a good chance, I think i'm alright at photography. Don't get me wrong I'm not amazing but I do know my stuff.... Or so I thought. College is scary. I realized we are SPOILED at SCS. You walk into the classroom, the environment is cold and distant. Teachers seem nice but I am way to scared to talk to them. They gave me a weird vibe and I didn't feel comfortable. The tour was amazing I loved the school and the studios were amazing. We sat down in the lecuire hall (Pretty sweet, you see them in movies. But it was ten times smaller) they showed us work from previous students and shared a bit about the course. I knew most of the basic stuff about the course beacause i was convinced langara was my school. It wasn't until the last couple hours when my life came smashing down on me. They said the course is SUPER difficult starts at 7 30am till 6pm at night or longer. No lunch breaks. Thats okay I didn't expect school to be easy. It wasn't until they handed me a 50 multiple choice test along with an two page Essay and math quiz. I thought i would get the multiple choice but it was deadly it asked questions that were far far above my head. Talking about studio lighting and if you moved it in a certain area what would you change your lighting settings and camera settings too? Up or down, overexposed underexposed. By the last 30 questions I was guessing, It was probs most C's. I was shaking, aren't we suppose to come to school to LEARN this stuff? After dealing with that, not really dealing. I moved on to the Essay, lets just say Cavey would be pissed. It was horrible I was rushing through it cause i just wanted out. The room was closing in, it was hot, i couldn't breathe. It was terrifying, then the last part MATH. I'm an essentials girl, it was last year. I don't remember anything. I can't believe it but i left it blank and ran out of that room so fast. I feel so embaressed and stupid. I thought college was suppose to be exciting, but it made me think if i can actually do this. Of course I will not make it into the course, I put ALL my eggs in one basket and look at me know. My grad trans are gone. done.

Just waiting for God to open another door, it seems stuck. Where do I go from here? I feel like the biggest failure.

true dat.

I miss you.

Hi,
Yes you. I see you everyday in class and in the hallways, but you won't even look me in the eye. I miss you. We spent every minute of our childhood together and now we're strangers. Seeing you everyday doesn't help. I cry at night because I miss you. I don't want to give up all the memories we shared. Will you ever forgive me? Does this hurt you as much as it hurts me?

It's all a blur.

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Things I like #002
For a while now I have been dreaming of adopting a teacup pig. THEY ARE ADORABLE. This Easter I had a really hard time eating ham. Can you not agree with me here? !

i'm the girl...

I'm the girl who's never been given a chance, the girl who's always been single, who's always had a crush on a guy that didn't care. I'm the girl who hides her feelings, the girl who doesn't know how to flirt, who's always lying when the tears are falling. I'm the girl who watches her friends live their life's with their boyfriends, I'm the girl who wonders what's wrong with her, the girl who would change for him, who's always thinking about what could have been.

I don't want to be alone forever.

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Thanks to becca ho for being an inspiration. I thought of doing a 365 photo journal, but that would just be boring. Instead I want to share with you guys a part of my life. Hopefully I can continue with this and not let it flop.

Things I like #001

 

My kitty. She's been with us for a year and out of all my cats (only 2) she is by far my favorite. Forget the saying a dog is a best man's friend. A cat is a girl's best friend. Harlow

BRO TIP.

Just thought i'd let you know...

hello goodbye

If you were to ask me if I am excited to graduate I would tell you yes. But deep inside I am scared as hell. Not only do we have to go into the real world and work and try to build our life's but we also have to do it alone. Okay not alone, alone but like we don't have our parents holding our hands anymore. I am freaked out, I would much rather stay in high school for the rest of my life. (exaggeration) My dad found these pictures that I found pretty hilarious, it's crazy how fast we grow up. I remember being so young and wanting to grow up, now I just want to shrink and go backwards. Like Benjamin button.

 from these to this....

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. GRAD 2011.

wait

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

in return

not so fun

Its funny I haven't blogged in awhile, not because I am super busy or don't have any time. I have all the time in the world, but I feel like I have nothing really to say. My 1st week has been alright I finished up my online photography course and worked my last shift at Red Robin. It hasn't been to eventful, but lately I am reallly reallly realllly missing some people. Becca is away in Costa Rica and it's only been 1 week and I miss her like crazy. She's my best friend and being so far away not being able to text her whenever sucks BIG TIME. And Cabla's gone too ! AFRICA! Holy man, this is his 2nd week and it sucks I miss having my buddies around. 1 more week to go. Talk about friends being gone Becky left yesterday to Rouche Lake so I'm all alone. I actually wish we were going back to school, springbreak doesn't seem to fun when you have no one to share it with :(

springbreakie

Spring break hasn't even started yet, andI don't even know how I feel about it. A lot of my friends are gone away to missions trips and vacations and I'm left in Surrey with nothing to do :( Hopefully I'll find something useful to do with my time.

Being in yearbook I snagged my Gr 12 Photo. Geez I wish I was still this tanned :(

oh hey, I miss you.

past year

I've learned this past year. I've changed, I've grown up and realized maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe they don't. But no matter what, they still happen. That's what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, there's nothing I can do to change that. I've learned to go with my gut, and that it's okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won't care. I've learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I've learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I've learned that today is all we have.

complicated

Complicated is when you don't know where you stand in a person's life. It's when you're hanging in dead air and knowing you can be thrown off anytime. It's when you're like more than friends but not really, and it's like you're lovers when it's really otherwise. Sometimes you would want to have never met the person at all but at the back of your mind, you're thankful you have.

i want.

gradgradgradgrad

Grad photos are here :) Wowee how time flies, I remember thinking "Its gonna be forever till i graduate" and now I don't know if i'm ready. I still don't know where life is taking me but I know God has plans for me.... He just has to show me. Just spending my months being with the people that make me laugh and focusing on my schoolwork. gradduation 2011 !

TATTOOS :)

So i'm turning 18 in a couple days and i'm begging my folks for a small tattoo, these are some of my ideas :)

life's like this..

I could quote Avril all day but that won't help anyone will it? Life's been slowing down thankfully. The only stresses I got is my future. Which is still stressful, but I know I can handle it. I applied properly today to Langara College. (Last time I didn't pay in time so they don't even bother to look at my application). So since I did that now all I can do is wait. If i get accepted, I will be going in September 2011 to the "Professional Photo-Imaging" Program. If not, I will be working lots. Hopefully finding a job and making my way to Mexico for a missions trip.
In March 2010, last spring break I drove to California with my mom and my friends and their mom. In California we went to Disneyland for a couple days, then drove to Palm Springs where we met up with a group in which we then drove into Mexico. Disneyland was fun, but Mexico was 100 times better. A little bit of background... We spent a week in Vicente Guerrero, Baja Mexico in an Orphanage for children. I will post some pictures to help explain my amazing amazing trip :)

The first stop we had in Mexico was for lunch. We decided to stop at a beach, as soon as the van drove up to the beach there were 4 little boys running up to the van trying to sell us food and bracelets. As soon as I got out of the van I realized we weren’t in the US no more. From that moment on I knew we were somewhere completely different than what we’re use too.

The mission we stayed at was a home for children. They take in orphans and give them homes to stay in. But the thing that is different from normal orphanages is here they get house parents. 8-12 kids are put into a Casa (Home) and are able to grow up in a family environment. Getting to hear the stories about these house parents is amazing, they have so much to take on. Some even take care of their children as well as many others. We got to give the parents a night out as we watched the kids. They were really happy and appreciated it a lot !

 Our home ! (Above)

The first day we got to go to ‘Rancho De Cristo’ it was a ranch for men who were getting over addictions. One of our leaders Urel use to go there and recovered his drug addiction there. So he was the one who showed us around. We got the chance for a tour of the place, what was really neat was how all these men were the ones doing the work. They were the ones building the houses and outhouses. A lot of them were really excited to see us, Urel told us when they see us it gives them hope. After lunch we got the chance to pray with them.

Twice a week we got the chance to do Child Evangelism and it was where we went out with one of the teachers from the missions and went to a small community to teach the kids a bible story and give them milk and peanut butter. Our teacher was Carmen, she drove through the little town. She handed me a speaker to hold out the window as she used the microphone to call all the kids to the church. So all you see are these kids popping their heads out of their shacks with huge smiles and running behind the van to the church. As soon as we sat in the church each of us (Me, Bethany and Mom) had 3 or 4 kids grab our hands and sit on our laps. After the story we got the chance to hand out milk and peanut butter. Each kid brought their own cup for us to fill. As soon as it was done and the kids turned away, a young girl about 14 or so came up to me and shook my hand, kissed me on the check and looked into my eyes and said thank you. As soon as she said that, and ran to catch up with everyone else is when I lost it. I couldn’t keep myself together, it made me think how little these kids get but how happy they are. The kids might never get a chance in life, they live in shacks and have nothing and it makes you wonder if you’ll ever see them again or how their life’s will be

Me and Bethany got the chance to go to work in the daycare for the day. These kids have parents but mostly just leave them home alone locked up in a room for the whole day while they go to work. So people in the mission go out with a van and pick the kids up to stay in the daycare till 2pm. When the kids got their we took their clothes off and bathed them. There were about 17 kids. After showering them we put on the daycare uniforms. A lot of the kids didn’t have socks or underwear so we gave them some to wear for the day. After that we fed them and then played with them outside. They always seemed to have a smile on their face they’d want me and Bethany to just pick them up and hold them. One boy wouldn’t let go of me he’d just stick onto me. And its probably because at home he doesn’t get it. After playing with them it was about time for lunch then time for them to go home. As week changed them back into their old clothes some of them just had a tank top and ratty pants. Some with no underwear or socks. The kids must love to go to the daycare where they get food and a chance to play with someone. They get a chance of people to just hold them and love them.

 Every year all the girls in the mission are invited to a tea party. The week that we were there was the time it was planned. So Friday we got the chance to decorate the theatre for the girls, and even put on a play. Seeing all the girls dress up in dresses and getting their hair done was so great. Some of these girls would have never got the chance to do something like that ever. So putting on the tea party was defiantly worth the smiles of their faces.

So that was my trip in a nut shell. If you ever have the opportunity to do something like this I highly suggest that. I hope to live at the Orphange for 3 months and do this type of work... This kids are amazing. They have nothing, yet they are the happiest kids in the world.