new beginning.

although i'm sad 2010 is over, i'm so excited to start 2011. Last year has been crazy, emotional, life changing and much much more. But this year i'm so excited to start all over. I get to finish my last couple months of school and start figuring out my life. Hopefully this year I will find someone to help me get through the challenges of this year. I look forward to spending time with my friends and just living life. Now's the time life has begun :)

What does my future hold?

I can't fall asleep anymore. It's driving me insane, and while I wait to fall asleep my head is going crazy with so much thinking. And so, at 1:51am while I try to get some rest I keep thinking of my plans for the future.
I've known what I wanted to do for 4 years now. It was difficult for me in middle school not knowing what my future holds. I'm a perfectionist and when it comes to my future I need everything planned and organized on paper. When grade 9 came around somehow I came across photgraphy. My dad is pretty into photography as a hobby so it kinda helped me find my muse. I always wanted to play around with his camera and eventually with my mcdonalds pay check I saved up for my first SLR camera. It arrived on my 15th birthday and I was ecstatic. The camera (in which I still own today) was crazy to learn. To me photography was just taking pictures, I thought the camera did all the hard work. Learning was a challenge. I'm still learning new things today. Now since I'm totally off topic... Aha. This year I'm graduating and I'm scared as hell (pardon my language). Planning for your future is scary! My dream future would go a little like so... Graduate highschool, take a year off and work. Maybe some simple as full time at Sears as a photographer in their portrait studio to an assistant photographer to someone who works downtown vancouver in a studio, do some of my own photography business on the side, after a year go to Langara college and go into their photo imaging program, after that (I think it's 2 years?) buy a loft downtown where I can live as well as have a studio and office for my photography :) that's where I hope to be in the next 5 years or so. If any of that works out. My main concern now is money and graduating. Hopefully God will bless me with some funds to fulfill my dreams. That, and work my ass off for that studio downtown, aha.

Now to bed.

hardest moments

One of the hardest moments in life is deciding whether you should give up, or try harder.

 

 

grow up?

Growing up your best friend becomes your worst enemy. Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Undies turn into g-strings and boxers. kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?...... When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst you could get from guys were cooties? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. The only drug you knew was cough medicine. Wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. The only things that hurt were skinned knees. And goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?
And to think we couldn't wait to grow up.

be thankful

Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do. because if you hold on, you'll never meet anyone else. since I've gotten past old heartbreak i made myself open and ready to meet someone new.... and i did :)

smile

This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.